A New Chapter of My Life
It’s been quiet on my blog. It happened before and it will happen again. Usually this happens just because of a very busy time. But the last months it was not just the heavy workload that kept me from blogging, I went through a very dark time in my personal life. After 10 years of marriage my wife decided to move out. I never saw it coming and it was a very hard kick in the face for someone for whom family is the most important thing in life. I won’t pretend that I understand it all and I don’t feel the need to blog the parts that I do understand.
I just know that I have no choice but to move on and start a new chapter of my life. I’m in the clear with myself and I just try to make the best of it. I have the kids every other week and I miss them like crazy when they are not with me. But I can still be the father that I always wanted to be. After my wife moved out, I decided to take the kids on a trip to the coast to get our minds of the big changes and show them that I’ll always be there for them.
We had such an amazing time and all enjoyed every second of it. Even though it was pretty cold, it was dry and the sun was out most of the time. We also had a lot of good conversations on how we have to go from here both emotionally and practically. I’m so proud of the way the kids handle this. Off-course they feel lost sometimes but they don’t hesitate to talk to me. They also understand my situation really well and help me out so well.
Lately I found myself again. And that’s thanks to the incredible amount of help and support I received from my family and friends. I feel very lucky that I can count on so many great people.
My main concern is being a good dad but to do that I need to figure out how to sort out the many practical and financial challenges I’m facing. I really want to keep the house and the studio but that won’t be easy. I’m going to have to refocus on some parts of my business to increase my income substantially. Some things are still a bit vague but every day my plans take more form. You’ll discover them over the next months and I hope I can count on your patience and support.
Bert,
That is very sad news… something that will take a lot of time and thinking to come to terms with. My thoughts are with you, as I’m sure are all your readers.
Best wishes, Craig
Bert,
You can definitely count on my patience and support in these difficult times.
I’m sorry to hear this (since you hinted at it on Twitter). Best of luck to you & thanks for all you’ve done to help me in my photography career.
That’s sad. Let me give you a hug–ok, I can’t give you a hug, but I would if I could.
Good luck with everything.
Hey – Keep your head up. I know you have never heard of me and we will never meet but you do make a difference on this end with your images and photo hints and what not. Obviously a lot has to change but I will look at your images and read what you have to say whenever you want to share… Good Luck….
Sorry to hear, Bert. As a father of two and a photographer, also from someone who family means everything, my heart goes out to you. God Bless! You’ve been a huge help and inspiration so far. I hoe you don’t stop the blogs.
Bert
It takes a lot of guts to even mention this to people. I know I have been in the same situation.
All I can tell you is that things will be OK. It’s not the easiest way to do it but it can work.
Your kids will always love and respect you and you can dedicate yourself to quality time with them.
Sorry to hear about your circumstances, and wishing you all the best in moving on with your life!
Hi Bert,
That is sad news indeed. I’m sure things will work out. You’ll have to be strong and weather the storm.
Wishing you all the best.
Bugi
You don’t know who I am, but I wish you the best in this hard time.
I also wanted to thank you for putting up such great, in-depth information on this blog. I only found it a few days ago and I have already learned so much. I wasn’t very interested in using anything other than natural light in my photography, but you have definately changed my mind. Now I can see all of the vast possibilities you can achieve with off camera flash.
I just simply wanted to thank you. Keep up the outstanding work!!
Oh boy, thats bad news indeed! Especially when you didn’t saw it coming, since usually these kind of changes build up over a long period of time.
Just remember, even though it’s hard to fathom how, these changes will be for the best, for your wife, your children, even for you. I sincere hope you all make the best of the situation, to go on and keep respecting your wife and yourself.
Best wishes!
Hi Bert,
I’m sorry to hear about your marriage
But changes in life isn’t always bad…
Keep up the good mood, and I cant wait to see more from you
Best wishes!
Just wanted to say my thoughts are with you…it must be hard. But you’ve got the right idea of making sure you’re there for your kids. Wishing you all the best in this new chapter of your life. Like with a lot of emotional pain, time is a wonderful healer…
Hi Bert,
My RSS feeder told me you posted a new item and I couldn’t wait to read it. I thought you had figured out a new way of photographing, as you manage to keep evolving new techniques.
But unfortunately this wasn’t the case.
I hope you find a way to get back on track, both for yourself as for your children. Keep on thinking positive, but I think that isn’t that hard for you with such friends.
Good luck Bert!
Read the bad news on Twitter.
Must be really hard.. I don’t even wish to imagine something like that happening.
Good luck!
Elja
Hi Bert,
I hope you can find your way again. Life’s sometimes hard, but have confidence in you, your family and God.
The best for you. Keep your good mood !
Miguel
That’s a sad story, but good to hear that you have the will to carry on! All the best for you!
Birgit
Hello Bert from Germany!
This break in your life is sad and hard to cope with. I wish you and your family the luck and strength you need to overcome this challenge. Maybe after a time new good things may come out of this breakup.
Stay healthy and have the power you need,
Carsten
Bert Jongen,
Het is mij precies zo overkomen en u bent en blijft voor uw kinderen altijd de beste papa van de wereld, daar hoeft ge niet voor in te zitten.
Als vakman zul je altijd werk houden en uiteindelijk is geld niet meer dan inkt op papier of wat eenen en nullen op uw scherm.
Raak niet gedemotiveerd om uw werk te blijven doen en daar het meeste uit te halen, want daar zit de grootste slang van allemaal die u nu zult tegenkomen. Huis, studio, auto, hasselblad, canon, lightning dvd, het is allemaal weer te vervangen en uitwisselbaar, uw kinderen niet, dat is uw echte bezit.
Vet compliment voor uw werk en geloof me over een paar maanden bent u trots op uzelf dat alles weer goed loopt.
Flits, Patrick
Hi Bert,
I wish you all the best for these difficult times!!!
You will make your way trough this I´m sure, just keep on going and never give up…
Greets Markus
3 simple words: “Yes you can”
Hi Bert,
I’ve been reading your blog for a long time, but never commented before.
I’m really sorry to hear about your situation, it’s always been clear from your posts that your family means so much to you.
All the best,
Ben
Hi Bert!
Im a complete stranger to you, i´ve been following you trought RSS.
I really wish you to overcome this sad momentum in your life, also hope your kids never suffer with this big break and huge change in their lives.
About your business, it might be te time for re-position you in the market! You are an amazing photohrapher, you will for sure move on and re-invent your work!
ill be absolutelly patient and supportive if anything comes to the need!
Best regards
tzSantos – Portugal
Hello Bert, I just read your sad post and my heart is filled with pain .. I have a daughter and the relationship with my wife is getting worse and I often feel my heart weeping at the thought of not being able to see my daughter everyday .. I’m near you, good luck..
Hi Bert,
It is always sad when I hear about families that have split. I wish you and your children all the strength to handle this really difficult emotional challenge. Stay positive and keep the open discussion with your kids. They are most important over and above EVERYTHING else.
Good luck and best wishes!
Hi,
Sorry to hear your news, I really like your photos so hope they can support you through these hard times.
Best wishes
Hi Bert
Stay positive. Best wishes from London, Rory
I am sorry to hear your news, and think you very brave to air it here. I hope you find strength and inspiration at this difficult time. My thoughts are with you, and I have just bought your Motivational light DVD to ease your financial burden a little bit
I don’t really know what to say. Just wanted to express my support. You are a great guy and I’m sure everything is going to be fine for you and your kids.
Stay strong and sane,
Iwan.
wow, I wasn’t expecting this, so sorry to hear this…
if I may be honest, I really hope you can win her back. She’s more precious then any photo-motivational stuff you’ll ever do. Watch movie “Fireproof” if you have a chance.
with love, Daniel
My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family. Your teaching, wit, humor, and vision have inspired and changed the lives of so many. Hopefully this is a time where we, your community and friends, can help lift you up during your life changing journey.
I wish you all the best Bert. There is no many comments about the pictures. I’m sure you’ll continue to be te best father. I also wish you that you’ll be able to keep the house but I know you have a lot of talent and your business will reflect it.
Good luck, Samuel
Bert, I wish you all the best in your personal life and lots of success with your future photography ideas. Greetings from sunny Gambia. Hope to see you soon!
I’m sorry to hear about your situation, Bert. I found myself in the exact same situation just over a year ago. 12 years, 3 chidlren, never saw it coming, children every other week and lost when they’re not with me. But the darkness subsides and you move on. At first, it seems that it would be easier without the children, but it doesn’t take long before you realize they will save you from it all.
Truly, my thoughts are with you and anytime you need a Canadian to speak with, who understands the situation too well, drop me a line. 
Best,
Robin Sarac
Very sad indeed. Please don’t give up on your relationship. Marriage is tough, but with much hard work is very worth the work put into it. There is always hope, and if you can change maybe the things that weren’t liked, there may be room for reconciliation. The children are worth whatever you have to do to possibly make things work. I know a photographer can become caught up with his work and forget about the most important things in his life. I have enjoyed all your work, but if you have to take time off to salvage one of the most important things in your life, then by all means do it.
Bert, so sorry to hear the news. I can’t imagine how difficult this must be for you & the kids. You are a very creative & talented individual and I’m sure you will find a way to get through this. Wishing you all the best.
Alim
I was not prepared to read this when i come to your blog this evening… sad news indeed…
You have been a inspiration, not only as a photographer but also as a father and husband, and it’s crystal clear that you value your family above all else.
I don’t know what to say… you got to have the strength to move on, better days will come.
Kind regards
Bert,
Speaking from experience – my first wife cheated on me, and at the same time made me think I was just imagining things making me second guess myself – it is an extremely dark time for sure for you. Now though I’m more happier than I ever could have imagined. I didn’t have any children at the time we split up so I can only imagine how incredibly difficult this situation must be for you. I am married again and have a beautiful daughter and can only hope such a thing will not happen again. I’m sure your heart is breaking in so many ways, but live day by day and stay busy. Time will heal some of the pain, but not all. Wish you all the best for you and your children. May you have the strength to forgive, forget, and go forward…….
sincerely
Hi Bert
i know how you are feeling….after I had to cut my “old” relationship after 19 Years I didnt see my kids at all. It is a very painful thing in my life. But Time will change. And also this point will change someday. Now I have a new girlfriend and I am a very very happy man. So please “think pink” ! Be happy and enjoy every second with your kids. These seconds are the most important thing in your life…
Kind regards
Tommy
Sad to hear your news. I hope it works out for the best for all of you. That your beautiful kids will feel safe and loved even if you and their mom don’t live together anymore! Best wishes from Linköping, Sweden!
Bert,
I’m sorry for you, i have two children also, and can sympathize. You’re a good dad that I read from the lines you wrote in the blog. I wish you all the best.
Bert, the darkest moment is just before dawn.
Ironisch genoeg geef je hiermee weer een sterk “signaal” naar alle freelancers, die hard werken en veel met hun vak bezig zijn ….
Met sympathie,
Jürgen
Bert,
I sort of got through some of your tweets that something like this was happening. I can only wish you the best for the future, but somehow I know it’ll be OK. You have a great and wonderful talent – not only for photography, but also for people.
And for patience and support: of course we’ll have that. Your blogposts and DVD have helped me a lot with my photography and something tells me you’ll be launching more innovative projects in the future that will both help me and you, to keep ‘The Barn’ and your house!!
And don’t forget: most clichés are usually very true. So I’ll launch one for you (sorry people, in Dutch): ‘Na regen komt zonneschijn’.
Good luck,
Peter
Yo big bear, Sorry you haven’t heard from me for a while, but I just been through my own little war. I know you are one of the best dad’s in the world!!! I struggled with the same fucking question two years ago. Only time told me my concern was all in vain. Don’t take my advice for granted, but being a few steps ahead of you, in the end you will all benefit from a positive attitude. I’m really looking forward to come over one of these days and have a good talk.
Focus on the kids, you need each other
CU SOON!
Jean.
Je levensreis hoeft niet volgens plan te verlopen om ervan te kunnen genieten.
Marianne Williamson
Good luck !!
Bert, I follow your feed and just heard the sad news. I’m sure everyone has had advice for you so I’ll keep it short. My children were younger than yours on 4 and 3 when we(my now co-parent and I) got divorced. I can only share that things do get better with time and when you show them love they give it back and you. Times will be hard, but they get better.
Good luck.
Bert, really sorry to hear this has happened to you.
Wish you all the best to get through these dark times and I am convinced you will.
Rob/Sydney
Bert, I like the images taken by a wonderful dad making time for his children. But too I see and feel some emptiness.
I know you’re doing great, of course with ups and downs but I’m sure you will survive. Sometimes you loose control about things that should be common, things that are there all the time. When all sudden that disappears, a world seems to fall apart. You’ve got a lot of friends out there who can’t actually heal the wound but can make it more bearable because of the respect, help and empathy.
Time will heal, time will tell and explain and maybe not. I hope it doesn’t effect too much on your children, yourself and your simple wishes.
Days will be different but not necessary less beautiful. In fact, new roads are clear for you to walk. I’m sure there’s one you’ll love within time.
If you need a talk or anything.
The best,
Jasper
Hi Bert,
I feel your sadness. I am shocked to read your latest blog. I just happened to chance upon upon your great website and blog today. You’re a good teacher and photographer who is not afraid to share your knowledge with us.
It’s not an easy process in life you’re going through now. But I know you will get through it and find a higher purpose in life soon.
Hugs from Singapore,
David
Thanks all for your supportive messages. I really means a lot to me.
Trust me, I was willing to fight for my family, even after everything that happened. But it’s a battle no one can fight on his own. So now I can only build up a new life for my kids and myself.
After a few people commented on the pictures I realize that they might convey a sense of lonelyness but that has everything to do with the context of this blog post. The kids and I really had a fantastic time at the coast. BTW, the first series of pics was taken with a Leica M4-2 that I borrowed from a friend. The grainy black and white shots on film, probably add a feeling to the pictures that wasn’t really there.
I won’t deny that this is a situation that I wanted and that I often worry about how I have to cope with the practical and financial consequences. But I’m not the kind of person who sits in a corner feeling sorry for himself. I’m working hard to find solutions and doing that gives me the confidence that I can do it.
Bert, the very fact that you’ve written such a post proves that you are and will continue to be a good dad.
The photos you’ve included convey alot of emotion and add to this being quite a powerful post but for the right reasons. I feel an incredibly strong bond between you and your children; clearly your values, morals and what you stand for are coming through in your children too.
I wish you all the very best.
Glyn
Hi Bert
I’ve been following you on You Tube and Flickr and I am huge fan as is everyone who comes into contact with you. I was very sad to read your news in this latest bog and wanted to wish you well. You are one of the great people in this world. It is easy to see the affection your kids have for you and I hope you are able to get throught this difficult time.
All the very best from Oxford, England.
Steve
So many words are written above, and I just want to say – don’t give up Bert.
I think you did everything to keep your family, at least you tried.
May be it’s not polite to talk like this, but please don’t start to d…k.
I mean you still need to your children and now you have to be stronger, as I’m sure that your children are most affected from that situation and now they need more vitamins named “love” from you. Sure that you can do this.
I’m really sorry about that.
All the best mate,
Yuriy
P.S. Have my excuse in case I said roughly
The best of the best wishes from Sweden.
-Pelle Piano
Bert,
You have given so much to the photographic community through your blog and I hope that good Karma is repaid to you in helping you to shape the future in this difficult time.
Stay strong
Dave
Sometimes, life sucks and hits you hard in the face without any warning. nobody is secured against this tragic moments and the loss of loved people.
Bert, i wish you luck for you + your kids in the near future and that you can hold your studio.
I am so sorry for you, Bert! Sad news, indeed.
But I know you as a strong person, and every challenge has a chance inside. I wish you the best and good luck in that difficult situation.
Mario
Kids look great – stay strong they will need you.
Thanks as always for your websites and all my best wishes for your future.
That sucks, big time. Good luck and strength.
Blijven gaan kerel.
Just saw this sad news. I feel sorry for you, and I am very glad to see that you aren’t giving up and moving on.
Wish you good luck with your new plans!
Greetings from Leuven.
Dear Bert,
I feel sorry for you and your family. I only hope that you and your wife will find the wisdom and humility to overcome these trying times. I pray she come to realization that parenthood is mostly about personal sacrifices for the ones we claim to love, and never about 50/50.
I only hope that your wife uses her time away from you to reflect on her own responsibilities, as a wife, and most of all, as a mother. She must realize that you, being an adult, will ultimately accept and move on, but your very young children will always be affected by her selfish decision.
I wish you both strength, wisdom, love, forbearance, and most of all, the willingness to forgive each other.
All of the best from California.
I know this doesn’t translate very well not knowing us, but as an artist, we’ve been exposed to a part of your life that is very personal: your photography. With that connection, we are saddened about this news. I have been happily married for 22 years and can’t imagine what this must be like. For what it’s worth, thank you for the encouragement you’ve given me to be a better photographer and I hope to see your youtube posts and blogs increase soon.
I am saddened to hear this. It is so horrible to lose the family you had, and only see your children a sliver of the time. I am thinking of you and your children and trusting that things will improve for you. If you can’t keep your house, it’s just a house. You can make a home anywhere. I am glad your kids have such a great dad. Love those photos from the beach!
[...] I fall in love? Considering my previous post, a title like this could make you think this blog post is about women. Well it’s not but if [...]
I’ve just read this, though I had a clue from FB, and we never met … nevertheles … I know this is not, still, an easy time for you. I’ve friends that had passed for the “separation experience”, and once you get through the first months things get little by little better or smoother.
Children are incredibly capable of adaptation. Of course some days you will miss them. You love them in such a way, that without knowing you I can tell that they will always know about that and they’ll be sure of your love for them. Don’t be affraid … time will pass and so the pain and the confusion. You’ll be OK.
Keep your mind bussy in what you have to do now, your work, your passion, your kids, and take care of yourself.
When I read your posts or see your pictures I think that I can see the man behind, as one honest, generous, talented, warm, funny, inteligent … so these are your own talents/weapons to use to move on …
I wish all the best for you and the kids.
Hi Bert,
You have my sympathy dude, actually it’s more empathy as I am also divorced
and my kids live with their mom 2000 miles away.
It is hard. Full stop. Financially, emotionally, psychologically… whatever.
But, you will pull through. I did. I’m married to the greatest woman in the
world and I’m happy. Do I miss the kids? Sure. But we move on, we are built
that way.
Good luck Bert and all the best.
Heinz
Bert,
2 years ago I follow your work and know how much this means to you … Your photos and your knowledge is greater than anything. I wish luck from Brazil.
Hi Bert,
I’ve been following your blog for a while now, and thank you for your contributions to the photographers around the world. I am saddened to hear of the test your family is going through. I hope, for the sake of the children and the family as a whole, that both you and your wife will find the humility and strength necessary to unite the precious family once again. Should irreconcilable differences continue to persist, than I know you and your children will become stronger as a result. You are a very talented photographer and we will be patient while you sacrifice the important for the most important, and tending to your family’s current needs.
All the best from Canada …
Kian
Bert,
really sad news. I really feel with you and I am hoping and wishing you all the best that you succeed with all your future plans to be able to keep the house and see the kids as often as possible.
It really sucks…
One thing I can pass on to you from experience is to be patient and look forward (I know it is hard), but after the rain there will be sun again. That’s is the law of nature, which can be applicable in real life.
Head up, Bert.
Alex
Hey Bert,
Such a brave and honest post.
From your post it’s clear that your children will not want for a good father.
Moreover, children have an amazing ability to process such awful change, especially when you show that you are there for them whatever happens.
You must also look after yourself. I hope you do.
And you must know that you are not short of friends around here.
Hou je taai.
Roger
I pop in sometimes to see what you are doing. You inspire me to do better. I always admire your work. I lost my child almost 20 yrs ago when she moved out just like that. The memory brings tears to my eyes. After a few years I now have a wonderful wife and three more children and would not trade them for anything. Don’t give up.
Very touching story, I can relate on you, I am also from a broken family, but the difference is my father is the one who left my mother. It was about 20years after. But I am so proud of you because you did not leave your children, while my mother left us too with our uncle. She go to another country to work and support us financially. Be proud and don’t be sad you are very lucky to have your cute and lovable children growing up besides you. Not like me I grew up with my uncle, and till now I am longing for parents hug, love and care.
Hallo Bert,
Sterkte in deze moeilijke periode.
Groet Kristof
Wow dude, I haven’t read your blog in a few months. I just about fell to tears hearing about this. Bert, keep your head up, and keep working hard. You are a very kind & generous man. Don’t let anything take this away from you. Thanks for always being encouraging to the photographers around the world. You have always inspired me, and my photography. Thank you.
My heart breaks for you and your children. I will keep you in prayer for strength and comfort for you and your children!
just read this post.
really hope that in past two month you managed to recover, and find a good direction for your business and family relations. you are a good, talented man, and i’m sure you can find the inner resources to deal with these issues.
moshe
Bert
I’ve been away and just had an operation, so not been on your site for ages. I feel for your pain. This happened to me around 8 years ago now. It is hard to begin with but you WILL recover both emotionally and financially – give yourself time and as you have started to do – call on your friends for support.
Your site, advice and videos have helped me a lot. I admire your work and style a great deal. Keep hanging on in there! It will all work itself out, believe me.
Steve
Dear Bert,
I’m just catching up on your blog now after a few months off and am so sorry to hear this. You and your children have all of my empathy. I do admire your strength in revealing this and resolve to move forward and make the best of things that do not quite yet have form. When I was diagnosed with cancer it was quite a shock too – right out of the blue – though luckily I’ve recovered and been in remission and quite healthy for 10 years now.
I’ve always admired your great focus on your kids and family too on your blog and with your photography (your 50mm in 50 days experiment too) so this situation is shocking to me too. I have a deep sense that your are a great father to your children and will always be there for them, even as they go through this difficult ordeal as well.
Praying, cheering, and wishing the best for you and yours! Thanks for all you do for them, and us, with your life, inspiration and photography!
A huge thanks to you all. Your reactions and encouragements mean more to you than you could possibly imagine.
In a way it’s still hard to return to this blog post for me but although there are still a lot of obstacles to conquer I’ve been feeling myself again for a while and you all helped me to achieve that. Thank you – Thank you – Thank you