It’s been quiet on my blog. It happened before and it will happen again. Usually this happens just because of a very busy time. But the last months it was not just the heavy workload that kept me from blogging, I went through a very dark time in my personal life. After 10 years of marriage my wife decided to move out. I never saw it coming and it was a very hard kick in the face for someone for whom family is the most important thing in life. I won’t pretend that I understand it all and I don’t feel the need to blog the parts that I do understand.
I just know that I have no choice but to move on and start a new chapter of my life. I’m in the clear with myself and I just try to make the best of it. I have the kids every other week and I miss them like crazy when they are not with me. But I can still be the father that I always wanted to be. After my wife moved out, I decided to take the kids on a trip to the coast to get our minds of the big changes and show them that I’ll always be there for them.
We had such an amazing time and all enjoyed every second of it. Even though it was pretty cold, it was dry and the sun was out most of the time. We also had a lot of good conversations on how we have to go from here both emotionally and practically. I’m so proud of the way the kids handle this. Off-course they feel lost sometimes but they don’t hesitate to talk to me. They also understand my situation really well and help me out so well.
Lately I found myself again. And that’s thanks to the incredible amount of help and support I received from my family and friends. I feel very lucky that I can count on so many great people.
My main concern is being a good dad but to do that I need to figure out how to sort out the many practical and financial challenges I’m facing. I really want to keep the house and the studio but that won’t be easy. I’m going to have to refocus on some parts of my business to increase my income substantially. Some things are still a bit vague but every day my plans take more form. You’ll discover them over the next months and I hope I can count on your patience and support.
Bert, the very fact that you’ve written such a post proves that you are and will continue to be a good dad.
The photos you’ve included convey alot of emotion and add to this being quite a powerful post but for the right reasons. I feel an incredibly strong bond between you and your children; clearly your values, morals and what you stand for are coming through in your children too.
I wish you all the very best.
Glyn
Hi Bert
I’ve been following you on You Tube and Flickr and I am huge fan as is everyone who comes into contact with you. I was very sad to read your news in this latest bog and wanted to wish you well. You are one of the great people in this world. It is easy to see the affection your kids have for you and I hope you are able to get throught this difficult time.
All the very best from Oxford, England.
Steve
So many words are written above, and I just want to say – don’t give up Bert.
I think you did everything to keep your family, at least you tried.
May be it’s not polite to talk like this, but please don’t start to d…k.
I mean you still need to your children and now you have to be stronger, as I’m sure that your children are most affected from that situation and now they need more vitamins named “love” from you. Sure that you can do this.
I’m really sorry about that.
All the best mate,
Yuriy
P.S. Have my excuse in case I said roughly
The best of the best wishes from Sweden.
-Pelle Piano
Bert,
You have given so much to the photographic community through your blog and I hope that good Karma is repaid to you in helping you to shape the future in this difficult time.
Stay strong
Dave
Sometimes, life sucks and hits you hard in the face without any warning. nobody is secured against this tragic moments and the loss of loved people.
Bert, i wish you luck for you + your kids in the near future and that you can hold your studio.
I am so sorry for you, Bert! Sad news, indeed.
But I know you as a strong person, and every challenge has a chance inside. I wish you the best and good luck in that difficult situation.
Mario
Kids look great – stay strong they will need you.
Thanks as always for your websites and all my best wishes for your future.
That sucks, big time. Good luck and strength.
Blijven gaan kerel.
Just saw this sad news. I feel sorry for you, and I am very glad to see that you aren’t giving up and moving on.
Wish you good luck with your new plans!
Greetings from Leuven.
Dear Bert,
I feel sorry for you and your family. I only hope that you and your wife will find the wisdom and humility to overcome these trying times. I pray she come to realization that parenthood is mostly about personal sacrifices for the ones we claim to love, and never about 50/50.
I only hope that your wife uses her time away from you to reflect on her own responsibilities, as a wife, and most of all, as a mother. She must realize that you, being an adult, will ultimately accept and move on, but your very young children will always be affected by her selfish decision.
I wish you both strength, wisdom, love, forbearance, and most of all, the willingness to forgive each other.
All of the best from California.
I know this doesn’t translate very well not knowing us, but as an artist, we’ve been exposed to a part of your life that is very personal: your photography. With that connection, we are saddened about this news. I have been happily married for 22 years and can’t imagine what this must be like. For what it’s worth, thank you for the encouragement you’ve given me to be a better photographer and I hope to see your youtube posts and blogs increase soon.
I am saddened to hear this. It is so horrible to lose the family you had, and only see your children a sliver of the time. I am thinking of you and your children and trusting that things will improve for you. If you can’t keep your house, it’s just a house. You can make a home anywhere. I am glad your kids have such a great dad. Love those photos from the beach!
Pingback: Confessions of a Photographer » Blog Archive » RSO – Can I Fall in Love?
I’ve just read this, though I had a clue from FB, and we never met … nevertheles … I know this is not, still, an easy time for you. I’ve friends that had passed for the “separation experience”, and once you get through the first months things get little by little better or smoother.
Children are incredibly capable of adaptation. Of course some days you will miss them. You love them in such a way, that without knowing you I can tell that they will always know about that and they’ll be sure of your love for them. Don’t be affraid … time will pass and so the pain and the confusion. You’ll be OK.
Keep your mind bussy in what you have to do now, your work, your passion, your kids, and take care of yourself.
When I read your posts or see your pictures I think that I can see the man behind, as one honest, generous, talented, warm, funny, inteligent … so these are your own talents/weapons to use to move on …
I wish all the best for you and the kids.
Hi Bert,
You have my sympathy dude, actually it’s more empathy as I am also divorced
and my kids live with their mom 2000 miles away.
It is hard. Full stop. Financially, emotionally, psychologically… whatever.
But, you will pull through. I did. I’m married to the greatest woman in the
world and I’m happy. Do I miss the kids? Sure. But we move on, we are built
that way.
Good luck Bert and all the best.
Heinz
Bert,
2 years ago I follow your work and know how much this means to you … Your photos and your knowledge is greater than anything. I wish luck from Brazil.
Hi Bert,
I’ve been following your blog for a while now, and thank you for your contributions to the photographers around the world. I am saddened to hear of the test your family is going through. I hope, for the sake of the children and the family as a whole, that both you and your wife will find the humility and strength necessary to unite the precious family once again. Should irreconcilable differences continue to persist, than I know you and your children will become stronger as a result. You are a very talented photographer and we will be patient while you sacrifice the important for the most important, and tending to your family’s current needs.
All the best from Canada …
Kian
Bert,
really sad news. I really feel with you and I am hoping and wishing you all the best that you succeed with all your future plans to be able to keep the house and see the kids as often as possible.
It really sucks…
One thing I can pass on to you from experience is to be patient and look forward (I know it is hard), but after the rain there will be sun again. That’s is the law of nature, which can be applicable in real life.
Head up, Bert.
Alex
Hey Bert,
Such a brave and honest post.
From your post it’s clear that your children will not want for a good father.
Moreover, children have an amazing ability to process such awful change, especially when you show that you are there for them whatever happens.
You must also look after yourself. I hope you do.
And you must know that you are not short of friends around here.
Hou je taai.
Roger
I pop in sometimes to see what you are doing. You inspire me to do better. I always admire your work. I lost my child almost 20 yrs ago when she moved out just like that. The memory brings tears to my eyes. After a few years I now have a wonderful wife and three more children and would not trade them for anything. Don’t give up.
Very touching story, I can relate on you, I am also from a broken family, but the difference is my father is the one who left my mother. It was about 20years after. But I am so proud of you because you did not leave your children, while my mother left us too with our uncle. She go to another country to work and support us financially. Be proud and don’t be sad you are very lucky to have your cute and lovable children growing up besides you. Not like me I grew up with my uncle, and till now I am longing for parents hug, love and care.
Hallo Bert,
Sterkte in deze moeilijke periode.
Groet Kristof
Wow dude, I haven’t read your blog in a few months. I just about fell to tears hearing about this. Bert, keep your head up, and keep working hard. You are a very kind & generous man. Don’t let anything take this away from you. Thanks for always being encouraging to the photographers around the world. You have always inspired me, and my photography. Thank you.
My heart breaks for you and your children. I will keep you in prayer for strength and comfort for you and your children!
just read this post.
really hope that in past two month you managed to recover, and find a good direction for your business and family relations. you are a good, talented man, and i’m sure you can find the inner resources to deal with these issues.
moshe
Bert
I’ve been away and just had an operation, so not been on your site for ages. I feel for your pain. This happened to me around 8 years ago now. It is hard to begin with but you WILL recover both emotionally and financially – give yourself time and as you have started to do – call on your friends for support.
Your site, advice and videos have helped me a lot. I admire your work and style a great deal. Keep hanging on in there! It will all work itself out, believe me.
Steve
Dear Bert,
I’m just catching up on your blog now after a few months off and am so sorry to hear this. You and your children have all of my empathy. I do admire your strength in revealing this and resolve to move forward and make the best of things that do not quite yet have form. When I was diagnosed with cancer it was quite a shock too – right out of the blue – though luckily I’ve recovered and been in remission and quite healthy for 10 years now.
I’ve always admired your great focus on your kids and family too on your blog and with your photography (your 50mm in 50 days experiment too) so this situation is shocking to me too. I have a deep sense that your are a great father to your children and will always be there for them, even as they go through this difficult ordeal as well.
Praying, cheering, and wishing the best for you and yours! Thanks for all you do for them, and us, with your life, inspiration and photography!
A huge thanks to you all. Your reactions and encouragements mean more to you than you could possibly imagine.
In a way it’s still hard to return to this blog post for me but although there are still a lot of obstacles to conquer I’ve been feeling myself again for a while and you all helped me to achieve that. Thank you – Thank you – Thank you