It wasn’t deliberate but for a while, I just had to put my blog, workshops and LIME in the fridge and focus on my own work again. I spent a lot of time studying the work of people that I admire, re-evaluate my own work, meet creative people outside my own little network and did a lot of thinking about the direction I want to go.

You know how important it is to me to master as much techniques as possible but these are just tools to allow you to tell a story or convey an emotion. And I just found that even though my technique is better than ever, I wasn’t very happy with my pictures anymore. So I went back to the roots, keeping it simple, shooting for fun, focusing on feeling rather than detail in the shadows and perfectly level horizons. And I found it back … the amateur photographer in me.

With the changes in my personal life, things have changed pretty dramatically for my financial and business situation too. I’m not ashamed to admit that a visit to my accountant earlier this week wasn’t very motivating. And I would like to thank everyone who bought Motivational Light, because you gave me that little bit of breathing space to dedicate some time to rediscovering my own creativity.
To make things work out, I really need to grow my business faster than what would normally be possible but I believe I can do it thanks to finding myself as a creative photographer again.

I know I need to be more business minded. And I know that I need to make some decisions that I don’t really want to. But I’m still very positive that I can work things out. Last week, with the help of many great friends, I spent the whole time testing out ideas and concepts for a new big project that I will launch in September. I strongly believe that it is going to be a way to be creative and economically viable at the same time. All the images in this post were taken during that creative test week.

The test week was really the the result of all my self rediscovery activities. I’m charged with creative energy and feel like shooting every day again. I feel I’m ready to teach and blog again and all of that is thanks to my friends, family and my kids who have supported me through these difficult times.

I’ll be taking some time off to enjoy the kids but after that I’ll be back at full force! Promise

Come to think of it, it’s not that different from falling in love with a woman. You just don’t fall in love with a girl because she’s moderately interesting, slightly intelligent, not ugly and reasonable in everything. You fall in love because you get a kick out of Nobel prize winners or because she makes you laugh every minute (or just because she has the perfect boobs).

But in the end you might be probably better of with that first girl who can be trusted every time. I got a similar feeling with the 24-70. That lens has been my must-have/go-to lens when I need to play it safe. But to see if I can fall in love with it, I’m going to use it more often for a while during those times where I don’t have to play it safe and would normally choose another lens. Yesterday I took it with me on a long Geocaching walk with the kids and some friends.

Because the weather forecast was far from great, I used my bulletproof vintage 1Ds mkII. In combination with the 24-70 that’s a heavy beast to lug around for a long walk during which you need to operate a hand held GPS and a bunch of kids. But I don’t regret it as I’m pretty happy with the souvenirs I was able to make of this great day. I’ll keep committing myself to using the 24-70 more often for some time and I’ll report in later.

I just know that I have no choice but to move on and start a new chapter of my life. I’m in the clear with myself and I just try to make the best of it. I have the kids every other week and I miss them like crazy when they are not with me. But I can still be the father that I always wanted to be. After my wife moved out, I decided to take the kids on a trip to the coast to get our minds of the big changes and show them that I’ll always be there for them.

We had such an amazing time and all enjoyed every second of it. Even though it was pretty cold, it was dry and the sun was out most of the time. We also had a lot of good conversations on how we have to go from here both emotionally and practically. I’m so proud of the way the kids handle this. Off-course they feel lost sometimes but they don’t hesitate to talk to me. They also understand my situation really well and help me out so well.

Lately I found myself again. And that’s thanks to the incredible amount of help and support I received from my family and friends. I feel very lucky that I can count on so many great people.

My main concern is being a good dad but to do that I need to figure out how to sort out the many practical and financial challenges I’m facing. I really want to keep the house and the studio but that won’t be easy. I’m going to have to refocus on some parts of my business to increase my income substantially. Some things are still a bit vague but every day my plans take more form. You’ll discover them over the next months and I hope I can count on your patience and support.

This is one I made of Pieter:

And this is one he made of me:

Next time we got together, Pieter showed up with a roll of Ilford Delta 3200 (iso) film. Underexposed shots showed a lot of grain after pulling the exposure up during scanning.

But when metered correctly (yes, this is the way to do it), the grain is really fine and actually pleasing:

Here are some more Hassy scans from the kids:

And here’s a pic of my fantastic grandmother who’s still going strong:

I’m really happy (actually I’m jealous) to see what Pieter is squeezing out of his Mamiya. He just started a personal website where he’s posting his non-wedding work like snowboard photography and amazing pictures of puddles.

Can you find the seven differences?

I must admit that the last two weeks of the project were the hardest, I really had to keep pushing myself to make some pictures and on some days I didn’t produce anything that’s worth keeping really. But then again, that’s probably the most interesting part of the project.

View on YouTube

After the last day of the 50/50 project I was relieved that it was over but much to my surprise I didn’t feel like putting away the 50mm lens for 6 months. I use it now much more than before. My 70-200 probably saw most action before, but now the 50 is my most used lens.

I’ve learned so much from this project. If I would put it all on the blog, I’d probably have to rename it to the 50/50 blog. I was also pleasantly surprised that so many people gave feedback and got inspired by the project to start their own personal project. A few people even suggested to make a book out of it and I’m considering to do just that. My idea would be to to show my 50 favorite pictures and tell you 50 things I’ve learned. Let me know if you would consider buying a decent priced (e-)book with that kind of content.

Thanks for all your support on the 50/50 project.

Here’s one more of the session with my lovely wife:

I also shot some pics with my 5D mkII and the 50mm lens during that shoot, mainly as a digital polaroid to check if the exposure I got from my handheld light meter were correct. Here are some of the digital pics:

I really want to do some posed testshoots soon. But because I just don’t seem to find the time, I played around with a roll of expired film to see how I’m doing with the Sunny 16 rule.

I also tried doing reportage style stuff indoors with a roll of 400 iso black and white film. Just to see how I would do when getting some meter readings every now and then, and then just guess for the rest.

I really enjoy the challenge the Hasselblad throws at me. It makes me think so much more about my images. For the first time in quite a while I feel like a kid in the candy store when I think of all the possibilities and things that I still can learn about photography like:

- discover what films I like best
- start developing my own film again and find out the results of different chemicals with different films
- learn to make decent scans (these scans are all done with my crappy old scanner, but a new one is on it’s way)
- try out flash with film photography
- …

For now on, I’ll try to learn this camera inside out but I’m pretty sure it will find it’s way in my work for some assignments (something I didn’t consider at all when I bought it).

]]> http://bertstephani.com/2009/12/14/how-im-doing-with-the-hasselblad/feed/ 9 http://bertstephani.com/2009/11/06/topmodel/ http://bertstephani.com/2009/11/06/topmodel/#comments Thu, 05 Nov 2009 22:32:37 +0000 Bert Stephani http://bertstephani.com/?p=436 There, I did it, I bought a Hasselblad 500 c/m. Paying good money for a camera that was produced the year I was born, might not seem like a wise business decision. But I believe that an irrational decision every now and then is a very wise thing to do. I don’t KNOW what this strange square box will bring me but I FEEL that it’s going to help me become a better photographer. I bought it out of the love for photography, so it seemed perfect to have my lovely wife Nancy on the other side of the camera for a first Hasselblad photoshoot.

These are the results from the first roll of film (Ilford HP5 plus 400). I will do some experiments with flash soon, but I wanted to use the limited available light on this grey day. I struggle a lot with the controls of this camera. It’s so different from a DSLR but at the same time it also feels rather natural. I’m sure it will become easier soon but I’m already loving it. The huge square viewfinder, using a handheld lightmeter, focusing manually, having only 12 shots before loading a new roll of film (which takes like half a day for me), … it all helps to photograph in a very different way: slower, with more attention to composition and detail.

Having to wait at least a day for developing the film is annoying and great at the same time. I’m used to the instant feedback of digital but the feeling of anticipation when finally looking at the negatives has it’s charm too.

I’m aware that medium format film should be able to give me some very decent image quality. The problem is that a good scan is pretty expensive. I must say that I was pretty surprised (and not in a positive way) when I found out how much my lab charges for the not impressive 1500 pixel scans of the 2 test rolls I shot last week. So I dug out my old Epson 1240U flatbed scanner and tried to scan the negatives myself. I couldn’t find the MF film holder, so I had to lay the film straight on the glass and that gave me some distortion. I’ll try to find it or improvise something. It’s an old scanner but I found the results to be on par with the low res lab scans. Good enough for internet use for the moment.

I loved it, I really loved it and I was so happy I could photograph the most beautiful woman in the world with it. We shot one more roll of black and white film and one roll of color film. I haven’t scanned them yet but if there are some decent shots there, I’ll show them to you.

View on YouTube

I admit, I still struggle with having to make pictures every day but I think I’m over the worst part.

View on YouTube

When I started this personal project, I did expect it would be hard on some days but I didn’t anticipate the difficult days to turn up so soon. The previous week I’ve been to London and visited the traffic control tower but at the moment I’m spending most of my days at home postprocessing, writing, doing paperwork, finishing up projects, … All important stuff but not really visually stimulating. I can hardly take screenshots all day. We also entered the last big phase in the construction works on our house (new roof on the house) which requires me to be home most of the time. There’s a lot to photograph in this daily routine but I start to feel that I did it all. Don’t mistake a “desk period” for a quiet one, lots of deadlines to meet. So it’s not like I have the time to schedule photo trips and TFCD shoots.

It is to be expected that a project like this puts some strain on your daily life and I’m fine with that but not to the point where it disturbs my family life. So sometimes I put the camera away on what is probably the best moment of the day to take pictures.

But you know what, I don’t care. In fact, I’m happy with these difficult days. These are the times when I grow the most as a photographer. I have to improvise, look for another angle on something I’ve shot many times before or go out at 11pm because I haven’t made a decent picture yet that day. I’m perfectly fine with some bad picture days as long as they push me forward as a photographer.